Conversations: Tsuruko and Yukiatsu
by Devilry
Summary: Even after they had come to terms with Menma's death, two things needed to happen before they could come to terms with themselves.


Author's note: If you haven't watched AnoHana before, and you've stumbled on this because of one of my other fics, well, GO WATCH IT NOW. It's _very, very _good. Anyhow, I thought I'd have a go at something different. This story is exactly as its title says: A straightforward, heartfelt conversation. And, if it's to be any source of comfort, spoiler alert, Tsuruko and Yukiatsu do get together in the end.

This story is a counterpart to Conversations: Jintan and Anaru. If you like this story, you'll probably want to check it out! You can get the link from my profile. Cheers!

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Conversations: Tsuruko and Yukiatsu

By Devilry

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'Hey, did you hear about Matsuyuki-san?'

'Yeah... Apparently, he broke up with captain of the archery team! What was her name again... Yukari-sempai?'

'No way! But she's really popular!'

'I know, right? Two weeks, and it's already over...'

'Ahhh... damn that Matsuyuki-san! If I were in his position, I'd hold her real tight and never let her go!'

'That must be what it's like to be a celebrity in this school, huh? Just like celebrities in real life...'

'Sometimes I wonder if they even know what love means-'

'-Crap, it's Tsurumi-san! L-let's get going, guys.'

As Tsuruko neared the group of boys gathered outside the classroom, they all laughed nervously, turned around and hurried along the corridor as quickly as they could.

'So... it's finally over, huh?' Tsuruko muttered to herself. 'Well, what can I say? I told you so, Yukiatsu-kun.'

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'Ah, Tsuruko!' Yukiatsu waved the moment he saw her. He was the only one at the back gate.

'What's the big deal, calling me out here?' Tsuruko sighed exasperatedly. 'You know the back gate's closed today.'

'Heh... you're as cold as ever.' Yukiatsu laughed. 'I called you here precisely because of that.'

'Oh?.'

'I-' He pushed himself off the gate and made his way towards her, '-have something _special_ to tell _you_.' He intonated playfully.

'Now you've piqued my interest.' Tsuruko smiled. 'What is it?'

As soon as Yukiatsu got close, he clasped her hand tightly. Then, he brought it up to her chest, and held it with both of his hands.

'Will you go out with me, Tsuruko?'

There was a moment of silence.

'..Tsuruko?'

There was no reaction. No blush, no fluster, no turning away in embarrassment or squeal of delight. She just looked on at him stoically, expectantly. Yukiatsu's eyes widened, and he let go of her hand in shock. This was not going the way he had thought it would.

'Is that all, Yukiatsu? If so, it's getting late already. Let's go home.' Tsuruko said calmly, and turned to walk in the direction of the front gate.

'W-wait, Tsuruko! I don't understand... so is it a yes or no...?' Yukiatsu pressed.

'Hurry up, or we're going to have to pay the peak hour fare.'

'Hold on!' Yukiatsu ran up to her and grabbed her hand roughly. 'You can't just walk away without answering my question!'

'You're asking a girl out only a few days after you broke up with one. Do you honestly expect a serious answer from me?' She said without turning back. 'Let go of my hand.'

'So... you're just going to leave me hanging like that? How's that fair for me?' Yukiatsu protested frantically, and tightened his grip even further.

'It hurts.' She whispered coarsely.

Yukiatsu let go, stricken with anguish.

Tsuruko began to walk again.

'I-' Yukiatsu paused, trying to find the right words. Then, he screamed and kicked at the gate. 'Look, this is bullshit! Here I am, trying to atone for what I did! You said you liked me... now I'm asking you out... Argh! It wasn't supposed to turn out this way!' He bawled, his confusion quickly turning to anger.

'You expected me to say yes.' Tsuruko said softly.

'Of course I did!' He shouted. 'I expected you to be happy about this!' Then, he caught up to her and blocked her path threateningly. He hated that he had gotten so worked up, while Tsuruko was still as calm as ever. She was the one who liked him. He was the one who was liked by her. He was supposed to be in control. Not her.

Tsuruko leaned in towards him, so close that they were staring right into each others' eyes.

'Do you like me, Yukiatsu?' She asked.

'Wha-?' Yukiatsu frowned. 'I- well- um...' He tried to look away, but he could still feel her icy, unblinking gaze on him. 'I... yeah, I do like you.' He finally said, and heaved a sigh of relief.

'It's just as I thought.' Tsuruko stepped to the side, and began walking ahead once again. 'You don't like me.'

'I never said that!' Yukiatsu shouted, and ran after her like before. 'Oi! Tsuruko! I never said I didn't like you!'

'Let's put it this way. If you do like me as you say, then why is it that you're approaching me only now? Why did you have to first ask Anaru, then this other girl whom you've never even spoken to before, and then finally me?'

'Ohhh, I get what this is about.' Yukiatsu laughed. 'You're jealous.'

'..Maybe.'

'But still! Remember what you said?' Yukiatsu said fiercely. 'You were hoping that once Menma was gone, Anaru might get together with Jintan, and then I'd finally turn my attention towards you. And I have! Isn't this what you wanted, Tsuruko?'

Tsuruko stopped walking once again, and Yukiatsu kept his distance in apprehension.

'What if I've changed?' She said emphatically, accentuating each word. 'What if the gift that Menma left _me _was to teach me that I deserve better? That it was foolish of me to allow my feelings to be ignored and taken for granted for almost a _decade_?' As she spoke, her voice began to waver.

'Tsuruko...'

'You think that I'll always be by your side, waiting to throw myself at you the moment I have the chance to? Well, then maybe you're right. For the longest time, I was indeed like that. I would've been willing to do anything for you, even when I've seen you at your ugliest.' She began to sniffle.

Yukiatsu felt guilt tearing away at his heart. Tsuruko was shaking all over. When he made the decision to ask her out, he kept telling himself that no matter how selfish his motivations may have been, it was alright because it would still make her happy. He could never have imagined that everything would go so wrong.

'I'm sorry... Yukiatsu...' She started taking deep breaths to calm herself down. 'As much as I've always dreamt about you asking me out... the moment you actually did... I realised that it would never work out between us.'

'No!' Yukiatsu screamed, before dropping his voice wearily. 'Don't... don't say that...'

'Stop acting like you're the one who deserves the pity!' Tsuruko spat. 'No matter what my relationship is to you, be it childhood friends, classmates, best friends, or even your girlfriend, I'll never take Menma's place in your heart!' She had to pause to allow herself to calm down. 'Every single time I look at you,' she continued, fatigued, 'I only see the boy from ten years ago, running and running, running away endlessly.'

'Tsuruko...' Yukiatsu whispered bitterly, and then began to cry. 'I'm... screwed up... Screwed up beyond imagination... I don't deserve the life I have...'

'You need help.' Tsuruko said sadly. 'I wish I was the person who could help you. I really do, Yukiatsu.'

'What if... what if you are?' Yukiatsu suddenly asked.

'Then I would've done something a long time ago, Yukiatsu!' Tsuruko screamed. She seemed to have lost all patience with him.

'What if you are... but I've never been able to realise it until only after Menma came back?' Yukiatsu said, lifting his head to look up at her. No, not all was lost. Tsuruko was right. Menma did not come back from the dead for just Jintan. She came back for everyone, including him. There must have been something that she taught him as well.

'Prove it.' Tsuruko said stubbornly.

'Maybe... the reason why I never asked you out all these years... was that I was fearful of losing my feelings for Menma.'

Tsuruko looked at him in surprised. Somehow, Yukiatsu's tone was different. Had something changed?

'I wanted to be with a girl... for the physical comfort and the social status and all the other material benefits... but I never wanted to allow my heart to belong to anyone else but Menma.' Yukiatsu continued.

'Yukiatsu...' Tsuruko whispered. His words rang with a sharp honesty.

'And... and that's precisely why I couldn't ask you out! Because you were the only girl who made me feel vulnerable, who was able to see me for who I truly was, and not who I pretended to be! I knew I couldn't ever be with you unless my heart genuinely belonged to you and no one else... so I never bothered to try...'

'As if!' Tsuruko said harshly, losing her temper once again. 'If that's the truth, then why did you ask me out, knowing that your heart is still with Menma?'

Yukiatsu looked towards the ground. He did not dare to look at her. Not because of how angry she was, but because of how pained she looked. He knew that she wanted to trust him. She wanted to forgive him for the innumerable times he had hurt her, and to just smile and believe everything he said. However, more than that, he knew that she was sick of being betrayed by him, over and over again.

'Because... that was the gift that Menma left me... the strength... to move on...' Realisation filled his eyes. He forced himself to raise his head. He was not going to lie to her any more. Everything he said to her had to come from the bottom of his heart. He held Tsuruko by her shoulders, and forced himself to look into her eyes.

'Tsuruko... I didn't want to admit that Menma wanted me to move on. And so I went crazy, and even started going out with other girls, all to distract me from that thought. But none of that worked. I could not get rid of the emptiness that was swallowing my heart. Deep down, I knew that I needed to move on, and I knew that you were my only hope for salvation. And so... no matter how I turned and ran... I kept coming back to you...'

Tsuruko looked like she was about to burst into tears. She already knew that she was going to trust him. She was just waiting for the last push, the few last words to seal his commitment.

''I know that... no matter how much I may claim to love you right now, I still can't stop thinking of Menma. I mean... I can't just forget about Menma overnight, even if I want to. Which is why, whenever I'm thinking about Menma, I want you to force me to think about you instead, Tsuruko! You've always been beside me, but I never noticed you. I want you to force me to pay attention to you all the time! To never take my eyes off you! To never allow myself to forget how beautiful you are!'

Then, he pressed himself against her. He could feel Tsuruko's body shaking in her arms, and he could feel himself shaking in her arms, but he just squeezed her harder and harder until his body became limp and the throbbing of his heart numbed away, and he could feel himself forcing all the pain and despair out of hers'.

'Please help me, Tsuruko!' He kept screaming over and over again. 'Please free me from my obsession with Menma! Please help me love you back!' He was not going to let go of her, no matter what. He wanted to feel their bodies become one, to melt together until an unbreakable bond was forged that not even his feelings for Menma could undermine.

'Hey...' Tsuruko finally spoke, after they hugged for what seemed like an eternity. 'This is a prestigious school... we'll get in trouble if we're caught doing this.' Despite her words, her tone was uplifting. Yukiatsu knew that she was trying to hide her happiness, and she was failing quite miserably.

'I don't care!' He professed, still holding her. 'They can say what they want. Tomorrow, when I accept my award, I'm going to tear my speech into half and run around the stage, shouting that I'm in love with Tsuruko!'

'I-idiot... Only the Super Peace Busters uses that... Nobody will know who you're referring to anyway...'

Just then, their phones buzzed simultaneously. Someone had sent both of them a text message. Reluctantly, Tsuruko and Yukiatsu let go of each other. They could feel the longing in each other's hearts, and smiled at each other warmly. Then, they checked their phones, and saw that they had each received a text message from Poppo.

_Yo, what's up! _It read. _Haven't met in a while, huh? Thinking of organising a barbeque this weekend at our base. We were all so caught up in Menma's return that we never really talked about ourselves, huh? Bring video games, books, movies, music, anything that you like! Let's relearn each other again, from the start! i^o^i_

'Poppo's the same as always.' Tsuruko sighed. 'Well, we're definitely going, right?'

'Wouldn't miss it for anything in the world.' Yukiatsu grinned.

Then, Tsuruko remembered something, and reached for her bag. 'By the way, I've always wanted to tell you something... and I suppose now's as good a time as ever.' She said. She dug through her belongings for a while, and produced a small hairpin with a pink flower attached to it.

'That's...' Yukiatsu seized it in amazement.

'I guess I always saw it as something symbolic.' Tsuruko explained. 'Even if Menma did not accept your feelings and you wanted to throw them away, I wanted to be there to receive them... so they would not be wasted...'

Yukiatsu was awestruck. He could not believe that she was willing to go so far for him, and he hated himself for never responding to her. More than that, however, it fuelled a new determination in his heart. He never wanted to let her suffer this way again.

'You're right, it is symbolic.' Yukiatsu smiled. Then he thought of something, and his eyes lit up in determination. 'Hey... Tsuruko...' He began.

'Yes?'

'I'm going to create a new history. You, Tsuruko, did you come to be in possession of this hairpin just because you happened to pick it up after I threw it away.'

'Yukiatsu?' Tsuruko stared at him. Delicately, he placed the hairpin in her palms.

'This hairpin represents my feelings. Menma is gone, and she can't receive it any more. For a long time it was lost, and needed someone to belong to. And now... it belongs to you, Tsuruko.' Yukiatsu declared proudly.

'I'm so... happy.' Tsuruko said. Her words were muffled because she had begun to cry again. However, she was beaming and tearing at the same time. She kept rubbing her eyes, but the tears would not stop.

Tsuruko held the hairpin to her heart. 'I'll wear it. Always.' She leaned her head against Yukiatsu's chest, and allowed him to hold her in his arms a little longer.

'Come, let's head back.' Yukiatsu urged, after they had enjoyed the company of each other for a few more minutes. 'As you said, we don't want the peak fare.'

As they walked back, Yukiatsu tried to hold Tsuruko's hand. However, he realised that her closer hand was already occupied with a book, and the other hand was busy turning the pages.

'Some things never do change, huh?' He lamented. 'Ah well, when we go for Poppo's barbeque, I guess I could tell everyone that I'm no longer obsessed with Menma. Instead, I'm now obsessed with Tsuruko.'

'No thanks.' Tsuruko said, without missing a beat. 'If you're going to be in a relationship with me, do it properly.'

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End note: Muahahaha I totally ship Tsuruko and Yukiatsu. If Yukiatsu seems a little weird towards the end of the story, it's because I found that I had to tweak his personality a little, by necessity. He's been burdened by his feelings for Menma for so long that it's become him. His 'coolness' is an act to hide his insecurity. This personality is his shield, his form of running away.

Hence, I had to do a little reimagining: How would Yukiatsu behave if he were freed from his emotional prison? He'd be a lot more honest, for sure. He's probably good at analysing his own feelings and (trying to) justify them, otherwise he wouldn't have been able to maintain his secret crossdressing fetish for so long. And so forth..

But I digress. To be honest, I'm a little disappointed that AnoHana receives so little attention on this site, even though it was quite a popular anime when it came out. Still, I went ahead and wrote this fic, not because I wanted reviews, but because I felt that I needed to write it.

That said, reviews never hurt! Did you like my story? ^^ Please let me know what you think!


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